.Tuesday, March 10, 2009 ' 1:19 AM Y
As i sit down and pondering and listening to worship songs, i began to reflect on my walk with God. Honestly, i have not being doing well for the past week. Btw, time seems fast and is going three years le. Thru high and low i have experience, really let me see alot of truth in life. Time realli test. Remember in the past when i came to church with i try out mentality, no doubts things changes along the way. Thru this way often I may felt weak and unable to sustain, but still He did it with me again and again.. haha.. Now the time has come again, i maybe feeling fearful, guess is just part and parcel of life. During these few years, many come and go. Till now, sadness still dwell in me for those who left. However, i am also happy for those who were placed in my life by God and is God that make the relationship.
Anyway yesterday met up hannah!!! haha.. so funny sia.. The way she release stress is truely her.. lol. Went mad with her, sad with her also. True sad to hear that she intend to go mongolia that means 1 less person to relate with.. But still happy to hear that she going for the kingdom. Being random here, NYP indeed is capable to send out and sends alot of people out. haha. Will I go out and be the next one? haha.. I really dun know... Bt i don't mind going?
No doubt, there is things hindering me. Just wanna lift it up to the Lord and pray that my heart desire will be in accord with His will. Often i preach or share that that we should live our lives around God's will but honestly i find it hard to surrender it. But i will. Afterall time and again He has never shortchange me. So i boast in Him for that shall be eternal.
Die le la, my crybaby nature coming back le.. haha. =x I realise that compassion for people is there, but at the same time, this insecurity of mine is also gripping me tightly time after time. Just on saturday, i cried through out the whole worship. Know the reason? just be cause i heard from Daniel that Joshua is emo-ing, may not come for service. Although time and again God did reveal to me. but tears and sorrow just come in.. I wanna make a difference in this life changing ministry but really felt limited as well? haha..
There are times i did ponder of moving on time or early. But reasons do overwhelm me, both biblical and selfish ones. Ohh, i remember telling God if He just want me to go to NS group to serve and then move on i rather go adults or my preferred destination PSPT. haa. Am one who think alot. I also thought of contributing to the next coming ESS as a member in NS group(the next stage of life). Know why? I finally break free from my selfish reasons of not wanting to serve in stage perfomance(dance and acting) le. haha. *claps* =x
I wanna be 'David', a man seeking after God's heart. But really often i felt that i failed God. Still Lord i wanna sing your praise.. =D Jesus may You be lifted high.. I really love You with all my heart. May i sing Your will be done, my life you use.. To You my God!!
